Hey, guys! For a blogger who’s used to having an active, weekly presence on here, all I can say is it’s been a really long time. Half a year, actually. Like Charlotte said, we are still figuring out our plan for Boyer Sisters. In the meantime, though, you are definitely going to get a new view of fashion from us. I personally still have a soft spot in my heart for vintage, so you might see some old favorites of mine now and again. However, with all the change that has happened in our lives, I thought, why not change my style up a bit? So here I am. I am back! Looking just a little different on the outside; feeling very different on the inside.
Why I Stayed Away
From Springtime on, I stayed away from Boyer Sisters for various reasons. But I think at the heart of all my reasoning was a barrier. A personal one. I don’t think it could be labeled good or bad, it was just a mental block that I couldn’t get over. I knew if I tried, I would probably fail, especially at that point in time. When things like this happen, sometimes the best answer is to stop trying to make it work and take time away to rest and rethink.
Also, I was still overcoming a lot of personal lessons from the aftermath of my breakup. (I’m sure you’re tired of hearing about my break up. I don’t blame you! But this is a part of me, I own it, and it is a huge portion God has used to shape me into the person I am now.) More on that in a bit.
I do want to thank you for any prayers you lifted up for me during this time. Thank you for rooting for me in your hearts. I’m sure there were also many of you who didn’t really notice my absence. That’s okay! We don’t have to know what everybody and their cat are up to, right?
Lastly, I am so thankful for Charlotte’s stalwart attitude about keeping things running around here until I felt like I could return.* And now that I’m here, I think it’s only fair to talk about what God has been teaching me during this 6-month sabbatical.
Sweater: ThredUp / Jeggings: J.C. Penny / Boots: D.S.W. / Earrings: Charming Charlie
What I’ve learned While I’ve Been Away
In my last heartfelt post, I talked about stress and the importance of being quiet in our minds. I’ve definitely had my fair share of practicing what I preached here. To put it simply, this year hasn’t been an easy one for me or our family, but it sure has been a lot better than last year. We’ve continued to hang on in Faith, knowing that there’s an light at the end of this tunnel. But as for what I’ve learned?
You know, I didn’t realize just how simple and happy my life was before relationships entered the scene. I remember thinking a small thought between ages 17-20 that there was something vast that was missing in my life. It was just a tiny feeling. The kind that floats around in the crevices of your soul and surfaces from time to time. I really didn’t know what to do with it at the time, but I know now. That thought was a kind of thermometer, gauging my life and telling me I needed something. The storm that was my broken relationship revealed to me how little I knew about life, and how much I still have to learn.
Life is Messy!
When we hear the story of someone’s trials we all imagine to ourselves that we could be and do so much better than that poor person. We feel a kind of armor around us, glistening in our own glorious light, and it feels strong enough to withstand any battle. It probably is. But it’s not the armor that we need to be worried about; it’s our own weak minds, hearts, and souls inside.
I recall with shame that I once arrogantly thought like this; I thought I could take on any battle. But I know it just takes one false move for God’s arrow to pierce through the edges to kill the egotistical man inside.
Did I have an ego? Yep. We all do, unfortunately. We all perform “life” to the best of our ability until it slaps us in the face and we realize how much help we really need. Once slapped, pierced, broken, (whatever adjective you want to put in there) we fall. Sometimes we fall hard. And when friends and family see the new, humbled man, they don’t know what to do or say. That’s because they’re still bound up in their own performance, and our fall scares them. We don’t like to get ourselves messy, so we leave the broken people all alone.
This is what I have learned about people, about my family, about myself. None of us likes to open up and reveal the true man underneath the armor. We like our shiny armor. In fact, I think we like it a little too much.
Christ Never Leaves Us
When we like our armor (our egos and beautiful performances of life) we forget about the soul; the weak, needy man inside. So when that false move is made, the infrastructure of safety we created comes crashing in around us. All we knew, all our resources, even our raw instincts can’t save us and we’re left totally and completely undone.
But here’s the glorious news–Christ is watching. He’s been watching the whole time, leading us in a veil of silence to the point when He is our only answer. Then we cry out, we repent, we become needy. And you know what? We absolutely hate our armor because its glistening safeguard is too heavy to bear now. We throw it to the side. Thus, we stand exposed for all to see us as we are–a sad, crumpled mess of flesh and soul.
At last, the Lord answers because He made us ready to hear. He has prepared a vast table of balm and healing medicines for us. These balms and medicines come in the form of true friends who are not strangers to pain. They are books of wisdom and godly counsel. Above all, the healing comes from His Word. Of course, we’re not able to bath ourselves in these remedies right away and heal all at once. We’re too tired. So, we take little steps, applying new wisdom and modes of healing bit by bit until we can regain strength to pick up the pace.
This year was my year to pick up the pace. It seemed like it has taken forever to get past the time of weariness, but it finally came. I found I could give my time to others by working at my awesome part-time job. I found that I could move past the pain and focus on new and exciting challenges. But I still felt fear and distrust for happiness and peace. I lived for so long in fear and distress that I realized I was stuck in a pattern of waiting for the happiness to come! But how could I get out of it?
Learning to Walk
Charlotte and I were listening to a Young Living Leader share her story and one of the pieces she explained really stuck out to me. She shared a time in her life when she had this indescribably mental/emotional block that was keeping her from achieving her goals. Try as she might, she just couldn’t shake it. She went to a motivational conference and came home elated because she found the answer! But internally, she still felt weighed down. “Why?” she wondered.
During this time, her toddler son was learning to walk but got into an accident that put him in a cast. When she came home, her son was cast-free but he was still hobbling around like he had one. It hit her. “That’s me!” she said and realized that like him, she had to learn to walk again.
I needed to learn to walk again! God had given me my release! And now I’m living it out, which is part of the reason for my coming back. I’ve missed blogging on here. Heck, I’ve missed you! But I’m back, and I’m so excited to see where the Lord is taking me! I want to be strong and sure, and I am going to learn to walk in the strength of my God. He is my identity. So long as I remember that, I can do all things because He strengthens me.
Too Much Introspection
Girls, here’s one more thing I want to say before I sign off. Life is most certainly messy, and you and I have the chance to get hit with anything. But once we do, and are in the process of healing, don’t keep looking inside. Look outside and upward to God.
Everything inside our hearts is desperately wicked. That doesn’t mean feelings and emotions are evil. They are important and play a vital roll in our lives. No, it’s the dark whisperings I’m talking about here. These come from deep down, causing us to be consumed with ourselves, our brokenness and our problems until they are an addiction.
Not surprisingly, I became addicted to introspection because I didn’t pay enough attention to Christ and the quiet voice of the Holy Spirit. We all know what is right and what is wrong. But, let’s be honest, we often choose the thing that makes us feel good, even if that thing is ugly. We are all sinful, and sin is ugly.
Christ is radiant with beauty and resplendent with hope. Look to Him and find yourself in His love, not in your brokenness. Even if you no longer know what that means, you know it is the right thing to do! Pray earnestly for Christ to help you know what it means again. Learn to walk again, don’t give up. With Christ, you can do all things, too.
May the Truth Set You Free
“Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we also have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only that but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulations produce perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.” Romans 5:1-5
I am back! I can’t wait to hear from you!
*Seriously, girls, my sister is a superhero in disguise. She blows me away every day with her passion and drive. She’s the one to thank for keeping this place alive and well. Charlotte’s #1 in my book!