It has been an exhausting, enjoyable week down at Bible Bee Nationals, but today I’m going to pretend like we haven’t been talking about that all. week. long. and do a regular old Classy on Sunday.
Ever since I figured out how to gracefully style this edwardian style skirt of mine, it has regained it’s old position in my wardrobe. It used to be such an awkward garment for me, but once I decided to make it work, rather than throwing it out, I have actually begun to find different ways to style it, today’s outfit being one of them.
This compass necklace reminds me of my spiritual journey as of late. Normally I don’t talk about this sort of stuff on the blog, but I think today’s post is the right place to put this up.
Even though I have been a Christian for as long as I can remember, I always have had questions. Why should I love God? Why would He save me? What is my purpose on this earth? I knew the theology and the rhetoric, but in my heart of hearts I still didn’t understand. I knew that I was saved, and yet I felt that I wasn’t truly living as I ought to as a Christian.
One night, as I was reading a theological book on culture, it all clicked. When God created the earth, he declared it good, but he created man to create and make it even better for His glory. But when man fell, that God-given creative instinct fell too, and everything that man makes and does, though God can use it for His will, is self centered. But this is what man’s life looks like without Christ. Christ came to save us because we were fallen. He redeemed us so that we could truly fulfill our creative purpose: creating in, living in, worshipping, and glorifying Him, and Him alone. Though man might think he follows all of God’s commandments, yet just because we are proud and rebellious we are sinning against our Lord. This was, and is, my sin. I may not be seen as an outward rebel, but inside I am.
I thought I was doing everything right. What sins did I have to confess? Sure, maybe I had spoken ill to my sisters a few times, so I’ll repent of that, but there must be something I am not seeing. There was. I was living for my own selfish desires, even though I was a Christian. I was proud, so proud I didn’t even see it. I wasn’t valuing God’s word as I should have, I wasn’t valuing prayer either. I wasn’t interested in respecting God, because I had lost the vision. I still knew that I was a sinner and that I was a debtor saved by grace, but I was blinding myself with my own selfish pride.
God, in His mercy, opened my eyes. He answered my prayer to see what I could not see. To shed light on my darkest sins. To show me what I was made for. To show me why I must love Him. To show me Who He Is, and why He saved me. I didn’t deserve any of this. I didn’t deserve to grow up in a Christian home, calling Christ my Lord all my life, being forgiven of my sins, and yet taking it all for granted. I didn’t deserve it! I didn’t deserve to be gently shown my sin. God could have just let me fall headfirst into a miry pit. And yet, Christ, His will is so perfect and beautiful, did save me. He loves me. He is my all in all. And to God alone be the glory.
He guided me home when I was straying out at sea. He guided me home to Him. And home is where I will stay.
CREDITS // Author: Brigid Boyer; Photography: Charlotte Boyer; Photos edited with VSCO Presets