Hello dear readers!
Do you have one of those go-to outfits that make your day just wonderful because you do don’t have to bother picking out a comfortable, yet lovely outfit? Well I do! And this is the one and only: my go-to outfit for the day.
Now, if there is one thing I like about it, it would be how easy and carefree it is, so that I don’t have to change if I want to go work in the garden – climb. up. a. tree. – or go out and about in town. And if it needs to be dressed up a bit, I would just add some dangly earrings, a necklace, and buckle on my Toms black strappy wedges, then voila, a whole new outfit!
We have recently received a comment/questions from one of our dear followers, about how we face the well known, and sometimes messy situations with our brothers in Christ. As the follower put it:
- How do you talk to guy friends?
- When does a friendship go too far?
- Crush on a guy who doesn’t to your knowledge like you?
- And vice versa to the last question? (which is sometimes the worse of the two situations.)
Well, I volunteered for the task, so I hope that everything I have to share with all of you is edifying and helpful, and most importantly glorifying to The Lord. Here we go…
How do we talk to guy friends?
This question can be answered simply with a few words: Never flirt, period. To give you all a lengthy answer: I have found in my readings of this subject from books like, Joyfully at Home – by Jasmine Baucham, So Much More – by the Botkin ladies, and various lectures, that if you try to put yourself in a guy’s shoes, and try to understand that flirting is tempting, talking over what he is saying is damaging, and saying smart things just to get his attention away from his other friends is stealing. Communicate on his level. Think of how you talk to your father, and use that knowledge to help guide your thoughts as you speak.
I must humbly admit to you all that I have suffered the temptation to try all of those horrible things I mentioned on young men before. I have been succumbed by them too (however, it was a while back). And you all must know that this behavior can bring your good name down, but more unfortunately, it can tear up a young man’s heart and fill him with temptation as well. Not to mention that this is in no way loving, or edifying to him, or anyone!
I have also learned that if I try very hard to read a young man’s natural behaviors from the very beginning, I will be able to know how to interact with him and other guys as well without getting into messes. I also no longer try to enter into a one on one conversations with a young man. That is where the greatest danger lies. Even if we are surrounded by a gathering of good friends and family, it doesn’t matter. Because if we seclude ourselves with a young man, other people are often times interested in their conversations, and take no notice. That, for some reason, can feel like a ticket to us girls to snatch a bit of “innocent” time with this or that guy. And as soon as the thought passes through our heads, it only takes a split second to let the tongue fly; perhaps leading into something that we didn’t necessarily want, but it nevertheless happened because we sought out this situation from the beginning. This is very dangerous. Believe me.
The tongue is a powerful tool, as we know it from the scriptures. It can be used like a knife for evil, or as soothing oil for the good and benefit of others. The tongue can be used to speak wisdom in the presence of our brothers in Christ, however we MUST refrain from preaching to them! It is not our place. Our tongues can be used to spread joy, and fill others hearts with good thoughts in which to contemplate. Do not use the tongue for frivolous occupations, but use it for good, that we might support others in righteousness!
When does a Friendship go too far?
When the temptations become too great. I would encourage all of the young ladies who read this, to unfold your hearts to your parents in matters like this. I have done so many times and this (however uncomfortable or embarrassing it is) will be the saving act of the advanced friendship. In fact, it has always been my practice (from reading the books I mentioned above) to go to my father and confide all of my messy situations. And because of his loving wisdom, and words of comfort and hope, I have gotten through the hard times. My Dad knows my heart very well, he knows that I need to be protected from sticky messes. If things get too rough, he usually steps into the scenario to sort things out with the father of the young man involved, as well as the young man himself.
(Right now it might sound like I have had many episodes like this. Thankfully I have not! I learned from the very start of becoming a young woman, the dangers of this sort of thing, and thus have kept myself far from them! Please try to do the same dear friends! We must keep ourselves pure before God, before our fathers, before our brothers in Christ, and pure for our future husbands.)
Having flushed all that out, I must free you from thinking that it is wrong to converse with guys. Far from it! We can have so manny good conversations with them so long as we put their interests first and foremost!That is loving. And both we, and the young men take good things away from healthy conversations! Guys naturally like to get attention, and they love to talk about their interests. Ask them what their life occupation is going to be. What do they think about the politics being batted back and forth by our politicians? Are they interested in hunting? Is there anything that you might have in common with them? Having things in common is good for conversing, however, just don’t sing them to the tune of “Oh, we’re just perfect for each other! We both love the same exact things!” Let God be the rudder of your thoughts, not the handsome young man’s interests.
How to deal with a crush on a guy, who to your knowledge, does’t like/care for you?
This is hard. If your heart has been tempted to have feelings for someone who really may not like you as much as you do him, then all I can say is: go back to sleep. Don’t awaken these feelings when they are not needed. The Shulamite exhorts the daughters of Israel to not awaken love until it is needed! These overwhelming feelings are natural, and many girls go through them all the time. Believe me. I have too! And when we entertain such thoughts, our hearts run away with our imaginations, and we tear ourselves up over something that is not for us! It’s such a silly thing in a way; but yet, when we have these emotions they are very real and important to us! And dare we think of saying, ” No. I can’t think this way anymore!” can feel like we have killed something inside us that looked to us beautiful, amazing, and it couldn’t fit in any better with our plans! “How can I say, No.”? You have to. It is not our Heavenly Father’s plan for us to play with these feelings which are detrimental to the purity of our hearts. Remember. We must remain pure before God, our fathers, our brothers in Christ, and our future husbands.
How to deal with a guy who has a crush on you that you don’t care for?
This is by far the easiest to deal with. Bring your Dad into this scenario! Tell him all about how uncomfortable it is to be around the young man who is noticeably attracted to you! Tell him everything! When we try to deal with situations like this on our own, the end results can be worse than how they began, and terrible things can happen for you and the questionable young man. Also, pray for the heart of this young man. He is a person too. And no matter how much we dislike the attention they give us, we need to love them just as Christ loves them. I have had experiences of this kind in the past, and the best advice I can give is to tell your Dad, and let him figure out how to fix the issue, pray for the young man’s heart, and if it is too hard for you to be around him, stick close to your girl friends, and stay away from him for a while. But please don’t make him feel unwanted! The last thing that you want to do is bring a young man down by acting in a prideful way when he is looking at you, or is talking to you. Young men can be easily damaged by this sort of behavior, and it is our duty to uplift them in every possible way. The world is filled with men nowadays who have no backbone, and I fear it is because we women (generalizing) have the greatest part to play in this. For the last century we have striven to lift our own heads out of the “confining” duties of being submissive housewives, submissive anything really, and in doing this we sought to bring the men down around us! We need not bring this horrible behavior into small, silly situations like this one. Its not worth it! We will only tear down what God has brought up. Be careful, and love our brothers in Christ. He love us first, therefore let us use that love as He has taught us, and see the wonderful things that come from it!
I sincerely hope that this has answered your questions!
Hope in The Lord. He is our Help, and our Shield!
Trust in The Lord with all your heart, and He will be your guide!
If you have any thoughts to add to my answers to these questions, please feel free to comment below!
Have a wonderful week, dear readers!
The eldest sister and singer